When setting goals, you need to discover what the feeling is behind the goal. This will be your compass for the year ahead.
This week in Facebook I asked “How do you want to feel this year? Give me one word.”
I believe that knowing how we want to feel is more important than anything else. Your feelings are what’s inside your very soul. They are so integral to you that when you know how you want to feel, and can put those into words, you have a compass for each day and throughout the year. They are the guidance system for your life!
The answers to my question were varied and I found them fascinating. There were wonderful powerful words like Fabulous, Brave, Bold, Fearless, Legendary and Proud. These are people who have decided to have an awesome year ahead, striding through it purposefully, and being the best they can possibly be.
The wonderful thing is, we can choose how we want to feel. Nobody can MAKE us feel anything.
If we are dealing with someone angry, we can decide to allow them their own experience, or we can decide to get upset and retaliate. If someone is unkind to us, we can choose to forgive them, or we can choose to feel smaller, or inadequate.
Even if we feel we have not control over our lives, we always have control over our feelings.
When deciding how you want to feel, and finding a word to express that , it helps to be aware that there are words where you’re relying on other people to make you feel a certain way. Like Loved and Supported.
If you’re working out how you want to feel, it’s easy to slip into this, beware! Do you want to be loving? That’s about you giving love though. How about just “I want to feel Love?”
As for supported, if you need to be supported this year, how would you feel if that happened? Is your word perhaps Secure, Capable or Strong? Other words to watch out for are respected, cherished and heard. All good words, but a slight change makes a huge difference.
How do we choose how we want to feel?
I sometimes have clients saying they don’t know how they want to feel. Working with opposites often helps. How don’t you want to feel this year? Maybe looking back on last year there were times when you felt a failure; you felt incapable to achieving anything, and totally stupid.
If those are the feeling you don’t want to experience again, what would the opposite feelings be? Successful, capable, strong, and able to achieve anything? You want to feel like a rock star, and invincible.
Start with what you don’t want and you’ll easily find what you desire.
Gaining clarity on how you want to feel is a very powerful tool. We all start the year with various goals. But what’s the feeling behind the goal? How will you feel if you reach it? That’s the feeling you crave. Why wait until you reach that goal? By doing things today that make you feel the way you want to feel, you’re already on the path to feeling great, and isn’t that what we all want?
If you want to get clear on how you want to feel (because that’s the greatest feeling ever), then give yourself time to think, and keep an open mind and an open heart. Don’t rush, there are so many words for feelings in the English language and some will resonate immediately, while others will need to be tried on, like a new shirt.
When you discover your feeling word, it will feel right, like you’ve arrived home. Now you know how you want to feel, each day you can take small actions that make you feel that way. You’ll be on the perfect path to achieving your goal, but the journey itself will be more aligned and joyous than you ever thought possible.
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About Karen Burge
I found my passion in using my experiences and training to help others through whatever life threw at them. I have studied NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), Breakthrough Coaching, the Thrive Programme and the Desire Map. This means I can draw on a number of tools and pathways, creating coaching sessions that are completely bespoke to you.