Too often we feel unworthy and play small, but that's our decision. When you realise you get to decide what you believe about yourself...
Last Saturday night, I was sitting in a lovely restaurant with a friend, discussing her yoga classes. Claire is a fantastic teacher with years of experience, yet when she told me the problems she was having with her pricing, I was shocked. A cleaner would have charged more.
"Claire, you're one of the best yoga teachers around", I told her, "and you need to own your worth!" So often we fail to claim our worth and ask for it, because we feel bad asking for what we think is too much.
We worry what others will think of us.
We believe we’re not worthy of more.
So we continue to play small.
I told Claire, what I tell my clients, “YOU get to decide what you believe about yourself.”
They sometimes look at me with astonishment. Then the light slowly dawns. I know when I heard this, it was was a huge aha moment for me.
Yes, I get to decide. So what do I believe about myself? I looked back and thought of all the beliefs I’d held.
I’m not that clever because I never went to University
I procrastinate all the time
I’m very organised
I can’t manage my money
My thighs are fat
I can’t do public speaking
I’m not very disciplined
These were some of the beliefs I held about myself, and most of them were negative! Was I helping myself by having these beliefs?
Now I knew I could choose what thoughts to have, and that opened up a whole world of possibilities.
What would I choose?
What would you choose? Because, you too can decide what you choose to think.
More importantly, what you think influences how you feel. And how you feel, dictates how you behave.
Claire was choosing to think her classes were worth less than £10. How would that make her feel about herself as a teacher? If she felt mediocre, how would she then show up?
Think about it. Are your thoughts dictating how you feel and therefore, how you act?
You can decide
Whether you’re clever or dumb
Whether you’re efficient or disorganised
Whether you’re beautiful or plain
Whether you’re witty or boring
Whether you’re confident or shy.
Whatever you think, will be true. As Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right.”
Once I realised I got to decide what I wanted to believe about myself, I knew I wanted to believe things like:
I’m clever and creative
I’m capable of whatever I put my mind to
I’m loving and kind
I’m confident around others
I’m charming and sociable
I’m healthy and vibrant
I’m efficient and organised.
Now, the more I think thoughts like this, the more positive I feel about myself and those thoughts become beliefs (after all a belief is just a thought that’s become a habit).
The better I feel, the more I become that person. It’s not always easy or straightforward, it’s a work in progress! But it’s better than thinking, and feeling inadequate and unworthy.
What would you choose to think about yourself?
If you’ve been holding a belief about yourself that’s been keeping you small (or not charging your worth like Claire), what could you believe instead?
How would that new belief make you feel.
Can you imagine how you would act differently?
Hold onto that image and decide what you’re going to choose this week.
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About Karen Burge
I found my passion in using my experiences and training to help others through whatever life threw at them. I have studied NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), Breakthrough Coaching, the Thrive Programme and the Desire Map. This means I can draw on a number of tools and pathways, creating coaching sessions that are completely bespoke to you.