Playing small. Who decides what’s big for you?

Do you ever think you’re playing small?  Do you get asked what is your BIG vision? Do you get told to play BIG? I’ve seen this asked at conferences, in emails and on social media.   So many coaches and mentors asking, and the replies flood in. Most people respond with big goals like

  • I want to have a 7 figure income
  • I’m going to open a school in Africa
  • My goal’s to get on Woman’s Hour on the radio
  • I’ll be the next Oprah Winfrey!

There’s nothing wrong with all those big dreams, but I’ve often wondered what my BIG vision would be and what income I want to earn. That’s when I ask myself, what do I really want?

My answers look like this:

  • I want to buy an air ticket to visit my family whenever I want.
  • I want to have fresh flowers in my house every day and drink freshly squeezed orange juice (and Champagne when I feel like it)
  • I want to run a retreat for stressed business owners to help them reclaim their lives in a beautiful way.
  • I want to have more time to relax and read, and learn about artists.
  • I want to connect and have conversations with women, and inspire them to live a full and joy-filled life.

Is that enough?

Drinking Champagne

Those who desire huge incomes, big projects, and maybe fame, might scoff at me and wonder at my version of ‘playing BIG’.

But now I get to decide what playing big means to me.

You get to decide too.

We live in a world where we are constantly told to push out of our comfort zone. We’re told we should have big dreams and a bigger vision.

Should we?

I believe I’m always pushing my comfort zone.

I did 6 speaking gigs last month when for decades I said I couldn’t speak in public. It scared me, and I loved it.

I dared to open a mastermind group when everyone else seemed to be starting network groups. It excited me and now I’m meeting diverse business owners in my area.

I’m learning about how our brains work in totally new way that feels like I’m back at school. It’s pushing me and it’s fascinating.

We all have our own ways of dreaming, planning and pushing ourselves. It won’t be anything like anyone else and why should it be?

We’re all unique, having our own experience of life, however, we will all want, need and desire different things.

One of the best quotes I read was “the biggest act of bravery is being strong enough to love what you love and want what you want.”

The only person who gets to decide what you love, what you want and how you play is YOU.

Cycling to Paris may be big for you.

Re-designing your garden may be big for you

Conducting your local choir may be big for you

Doubling your income may be BIG for you.

Having a big vision will excite and challenge you. It will light you up and make you tingle, but it’s YOUR big vision.

If you sit and think, I don’t know what my big vision is, then listen. We always have the answers inside if we really sit still and listen.

If you don’t know what you want today, what don’t you want? That’s always a good starting point. If you listen carefully, you will hear that voice saying Yes, this is your dream and if you really want it, you can make it happen.

When you have an insight and say Yes, that would be really cool, beware of the doubt that immediately creeps in and says

You can’t do THAT!


You shouldn’t desire THAT!


You’re crazy to ask for THAT!

Own your dreams, claim them as yours, and never, ever apologise for wanting what you want.

I’m going to buy air tickets whenever I want (and yeah, I’ll go First Class if I can).

Yes, I’m going to enjoy fresh flowers, freshly squeezed orange juice and Champagne, because like ay other woman, I’m worth it.

I’ll plan to run retreats, connect with amazing women and have fascinating conversations, and what’s more dammit, I’m going to inspire them to live whatever their vision is. Unapologetically!

So this week, my mantra is

Decide it, claim it, own it, live it, and never apologise!


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